If You Insist, Let's Talk About Sex

Have you ever heard the story of Snow White and Rose Red? Their story isn't as important to me as their characters. They were a pair of sisters who loved each other dearly, but were opposites in almost every way. They remind me very much of my best friend and I. We share many interests and agree on a lot of things, but we are just such different people, and frequently have rather heated discussions about life, the universe and everything.

Tonight we were chatting online while she watched Sex and the City, and apparently in this episode redhead and her boyfriend were discussing sexual partners. My best friend's reaction was "WTF Red head has slept with 42 people and her bf's number was more than 60, HOW IS THAT NORMAL lol"

A moving and thought-provoking quote from my dear friend

This got us onto the topic of sex, which is one of the many things we feel differently about. Compared to me, she's a prude; and compared to her, I'm a slut. She tends to only sleep with people she envisions having a future with, whereas I'm okay with sex simply for enjoyment's sake. I said that given the age of their characters, she's average 2-3 partners per year since the age of 20, which really isn't that much.

I think people should be free to sleep with as many people as they like without it being shocking or shameful. My thoughts are that someone who has been around and explored a lot of options is probably sexually healthier than someone who has only had one or two partners.Variety is the spice of life, and having numerous partners opens up more opportunities to explore yourself and experiment sexually. Personally, I have a pretty high sex drive, and I know that I'm happiest when I'm having that urge met. Having sexual desires and sating those desires is a healthy thing, and I'm tired of seeing sex represented in such skewed ways. I think that much of the world has a very warped view on sex. Its either being buried under the rug and not mentioned even in hushed tones, or its being thrown in our faces. I'm not exactly sure why sex can't be fairly represented for what it is rather than glorified or demonized. Sex is a healthy expression of attraction, its the uniting of two (or more) bodies for the purpose of pleasure and satisfaction. It can be a meaningful display of love and devotion, or a purely physical response to the most basic of needs.
In any case, I think that it should be treated as a positive and natural thing. There are many studies which suggest sex has many health and mood benefits, though more research needs to be done. But why should anyone feel they need be excluded from enjoying the benefits of sex. And yet, there are many people who would wish sex to be an extremely limiting experience, advocating for abstinence until marriage, filling people with guilt for giving the slightest heed to their biological urges. I find this attitude completely disgusting. While sex may not be mandatory on the list of requirements for survival, it certainly makes survival more enjoyable.

It saddens me to think of all the people stuck in sexually unsatisfying relationships, because they were discouraged from testing the waters before committing to someone, or because they discovered a certain fantasy or fetish and felt unable to talk openly with their partner about it. Without the taboos surrounding sex, more people would be able to find sexually compatible partners, and have happier, more satisfying relationships. Now I'm not saying you need to go jump into bed with the next person you see. I'm not encouraging recklessness or frivolousness. I'm simply saying that what happens between consenting individuals should be their own business, and not something of which they should be ashamed or for which they should be made to feel guilty.

I don't believe that every person who has had 50 partners must be extremely sexually healthy and happy, nor do I believe that every person who has had only one partner is deprived or frustrated. But logic would dictate that those who have had more partners have likely had a more diverse range of experiences, try new things, and find a partner who can push all of your buttons.

Now jumping to the other end of the scale, I can't even tell you how many times I see women's magazines with cover stories trying to teach women "how to please your man". Usually sandwiched between other eye-catchers about how to lose weight and what new beauty product I can't live without, some dolt is shoving their sex tips down my throat. And there's an overwhelming focus on satisfying men, not so much on increasing your own pleasure.

These writers seem to forget that sex is a two way street, and enjoyment for both parties is equally important. Rather than encouraging women to try various tricks given to them by some faceless nobody who writes for ridiculous, trashy magazines, people should be encouraged to talk openly about their likes and dislikes without fear of being judged. I've been in some wonderful sexually open partnerships. The kind where I could ask in the middle of sex "want to try this?" or spark up a conversation over dinner about fetishes. I never felt judged, and we gave each other plenty of room to express ourselves and find our comfort zones. Many women's magazines seem to be all about sexual liberation and female empowerment, but then they plaster the above kinds of stories on their cover, completely ignoring the wants of the woman in the bedroom. Perhaps they've confused empowerment with being a stepford wife, perfect in all ways, including sexually. Well bugger this. Meanwhile teens being taught "abstinence only" sex education while simultaneously being bombarded with hyper-sexualized media, society is CRAZY about sex.

Once I get started on a topic I could talk all day, but this has already been long-winded enough. At the end of the day, I don't understand why sex can't simply be treated like any other biological imperative. We like to go out to nice restaurants and enjoy the food we eat, its not necessary and could be considered needless and decadent, but no one seems to care when we relish in our food. But suddenly when we want to embrace our sexual urges all hell is going to break loose.

Lets all chill out and have a good, safe time ;)

- Rose Red